What’s wrong with being picky in dating

In this day and age, we have more and more options as online dating has allowed us to reach thousands more potential partners than we’ve ever had access to before. Because of that, we’ve all become even more picky. Our mental checklists have become longer and longer. Not only do we have a physical ‘type’ in mind, but we also know what kind of job we’d prefer our partner to have, which part of town they should live in and where they should have gone to university. We have idealistic views of age, height, race, political stance, upbringing, religion and income. And whilst some of those things may really be deal-breakers for you, research show that they will not be the things which make or break a relationship.

Many of us go through our lives with mental checklists and expectations of features which we believe are essential to find our ideal match. Then one day, we’re sitting opposite the person we know we want to spend the rest of our lives with, and it’s only then that we realise just how irrelevant the list was!

Putting your special one into a box

You’ve built your ideal partner as if you were building a business, with hopes of long-term benefits. Could you be confusing your standards with preferences? Is your comfort zone possibly hindering you from new romantic adventures? We’re not saying looks aren’t important. For a relationship to be more than just a good friendship, you need to be physically and emotionally attracted to the other person. However very often we try to confine that attraction to a neat set of boxes. Like, If your last few partners have been tall, or had a certain eye colour, you  begin to form a “type” in your head and often you decide that this “type” is the only one which you are attracted to, so you start to search online dating sites for matches of a particular build or colouring. Well, keep waiting because when you date with a specific preference in mind, you will never meet someone who will fully match your unattainable requests. Your future companion may look and act the complete opposite of what you want, but you would never know that because you limited your dating pool.

There are plenty fish in the sea, but if you only want a specific one, good luck finding it. Physical attraction may be based on looks, but often our perception of someone’s looks is affected by their personality. And in reality, when it comes to finding a life partner, personality is the most important box to check, because in time looks will fade.

Limiting your happiness

Have you ever thought about the reasons behind your preferences? Is there a real need for  your soul mate to have a college degree and be over six feet tall? Is it because you’re worried about what your peers may think, or is it because their education and height reassures you they’re an awesome person who can truly love you?

Now, think back to all your previous relationships. Did every person on the list fit that exact “type”? These are the questions you need to be honest with yourself about before you can feel entitled to demand these things from other people. A good relationship is built on far more than a list of ideal characteristics. Often the most important aspects of compatibility are things which we can’t even put a finger on, or things which we don’t even realise about ourselves. So next time you find yourself faced with a romantic option who is not necessarily your normal ‘type’, make sure you give him or her a fair chance.

Read More Related Topics: Outdated Online Dating Rules

Allowing your alter ego to rule your heart

As women, we look for security and stability in our mates, whether it’s emotional, physical, financial or sexual. But, if we allow our false mind to control our real thoughts, we will never be satisfied. The heart needs love, communication, trust, support and faithfulness; not fortune, social status or materialistic things. Our ego is a perception of who we think we are supposed to be. It attaches itself to characteristics that have nothing to do with our true identity and human needs. If I had a pound for every time a married person described her/his other half as “not my normal type” I’d be a rich woman today! Because when it comes to choosing our special someone, often we’re too preoccupied with the external packaging, and not with the characteristics that really matter. So get over yourself and out of your head.

Afraid to try different things

Every time you reject the nice guy, you add three more months to your single life., Well, that’s not base on hard fact, but it’s exactly how the universe takes it. When life brings someone your way who is totally out of your comfort zone, it’s a test of love to see if you can handle even an ounce of what you’re asking for. You want someone who is patient, observant and treats you right? Well, how will you know what any of that feels like if you can’t get out of your own little world to find out?

More interested in another life instead of enjoying today

This happens to be the biggest dating downfall. We are constantly thinking about the future, so much so that we get caught up in attaching results to every little thing. This means you can’t even enjoy the present. Everyone you encounter online isn’t going to escalate into love. Someone’s purpose in your life may be small or monumental, but it’s your job to reveal this, leave your life and let magic happen.

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