Identifying your most common dating problems and how these problems can affect your success in dating and ultimately in finding love is an important step in finding your true love. Chances are, if you’re having trouble finding your special someone, you may have something to do with it. People often think the problem is external “all my dates are douchebags” is a reason we often hear for why things never work out. But we know from experience that while external factors play a part, most of the time, most people’s problems with dating and finding true love are also their own. For example, don’t be upset if the wrong people are picking you. Just redo your profile to get better matches. But if you still can’t find what you are looking for, do not settle for douchebags. Identifying yourself and the types of people you commonly date is very important. It is recommended before going on a date, to find out what type of dater you are and what type of dater has been your type. Identifying your problem behaviors in dating, figuring out if it’s your strong woman attitude that’s turning men off, or your controlling behavior and that’s turning your women off. Often, dating trouble isn’t really the problem, it’s the other problems underneath that is crucial to understand.
If your habits are getting in your way of finding your true love, chances are your trouble with dating is a symptom of other problems: larger, deeper emotional issues that are at the core of who you are as a person. Taking a cold, hard look at yourself and developing a deeper understanding of who you are is one of the most important and fundamental parts of the process of finding love. Below are some common dating problems, how they can affect your dating success and what you can do to avoid these clichés
Fear of being hurt
Dating is a process of selection, from scanning a room full of potentials in a crowded bar to deciding in the first few minutes of a first date whether the person sitting across from you is your type. Being selective in your choices is a necessary and healthy part of finding love. Being careful in your screening process can weed out certain types who might not be good for you, people who are dishonest or self-centered or who send up other red flags when you connect with them and start to get to know them. Having a certain level of choosiness can protect you from getting involved in bad relationships. At the very least, having some set standards can help you narrow down your choices and increase your chances of succeeding at dating by understanding what is important to you and things you’re willing to compromise on. But we’re not talking about people who have a laundry list of requirements that someone has to have in order to be even considered as a potential date. Some women are classed as extremely picky daters since they have long lists of required qualities, physical attributes, financial offerings, and sexual performance levels that they measure potential partners against, like: big house, super car, sporty, sexy, handsome. Not only are these extremely picky daters obnoxious, but they’re also annoying, since most of the time they’re looking for things they don’t offer themselves. Some men are extremely picky, too, they want to meet very young women when they’re pushing fifty, and they want those young women to have the perfect figure or hot bod when they could stand to lose a few themselves. Getting rid of the actual list is one thing, but getting rid of it in your head means figuring out why you are so picky in the first place. Why you’re ruling out almost every single person on the planet because these people don’t measure up and why you’re making it virtually impossible for yourself to find love. You may not have an actual list written out or typed on a piece of paper, but if you’re an extremely picky dater you probably have that list in your head, a long list of unrealistic and impossible expectations. A list that you’ve unconsciously made in order to protect yourself from getting involved in a relationship. No one could ever measure up to all the requirements and no one would want to even if they could. And you’ve probably done that to protect yourself because you were hurt and don’t want to be hurt again. Lose the list, whether it’s on paper or in your head. The main secret is to get out of your own way. Do not get trapped behind garage doors and what’s behind them; they are keeping you inside yourself and away from what you really want to find: love. Lift and open the garage doors if you’re ever going to find love.
Insecurity and low self-esteem
A woman who can’t seal a romantic date, the type who’s either talking sports with a potential match or saying something annoying or a sarcastic comment to the guy who’s approached her online, like picking a fight about politics or the latest reality. She’s the one who’s always a girl friend, never the ONE. These type of women have a few behaviors in common: they usually have a defensive attitude, an aggressive and sometimes even openly hostile manner, and a lack of softness. A cute but too tough girl ripping into any man who made the mistake of trying to engage her in conversation online, even though that’s why she is online for, to meet and talk to guys. Despite the fact that most of the time these women are cute and smart, they’re usually instant turnoffs to guys because none of their good qualities come out when they engage in conversation. Women like this can’t flirt or display none of the charm, sweetness or sexiness of a woman trying to connect with a man. Just a lot of sarcasm and hard edges. According to Patti Stranger, a matchmaking guru, women are this way because they were never popular with men unless they wanted to watch music concert together or talk about their love for fast cars. Being the kind of girl guys instantly see as “just a friend” instead of a possible romantic girlfriend. These girls become so used to feeling unattractive and unfeminine and essentially invisible to the men they meet that they don’t have any dating skills so they become convinced over time that the men they meet are only interested in friendship that they don’t know how to act when they approach men, or how to react when men approach them. If you’re one of those women who can’t seal a romantic date with men you’re supposed to be turning on, stop criticizing and learn how to communicate properly with the opposite sex; otherwise it’s going to take you a long, long time to find love.
Too busy to date
Mrs. busy or Mr. busy types, these are usually great guys or women, warm, honest, and fun to be around that is, if you can find them. Either they have one really demanding job, or two or three jobs they juggle. They’re overextended in every possible way. On the rare occasions that they are home, they are swamped with other projects that they insist are going to help them attract and keep the woman or man of their dreams. You know, the woman or man they havent met yet because they haven’t had time to go on any dates. These types think that finding love is the next piece in their life puzzle when actually it’s the only piece of their puzzle. But if they want love, they’re first going to have to devote some time to finding it. Finding love isn’t what you do in your spare time: it’s what you commit yourself to doing all the time. If you’re on eaimee, chances are you finally see that you have to get over yourself and some of your issues in order to find love, and making time to go on dates and meet people is the first most basic part of the process. Simple as it sounds, making time to find love requires that you make your search a priority, and making it a priority means you’re ready, willing, and able to connect with people. A person who doesn’t have time to date is almost always someone who is afraid to date, afraid to risk getting close to someone, afraid to risk making themselves vulnerable. Most likely If you keep connecting the dots you’ll soon find that behind that busy schedule is a person who was hurt in some way, either in a past relationship or by a traumatic loss that has made them afraid of losing someone or something he doesn’t even have. The reason their putting love last isn’t because they are douchebags, but it’s probably why they had trouble with dating and relationships in the past: nothing makes a woman feel less important than a guy who makes her his last priority and vice versa. Whether you’re a workaholic or an overextended volunteer, examine the reasons why you’re avoiding yourself and spending so much time on everything but your search for love. Then, re-prioritize your schedule so that you’ll have time to get back in the dating game.
Too old to be acting that young
Whether it’s the middle aged party boy or party girl who won’t leave the bar before closing time or who can’t, don’t, or won’t act their age, most of the people who fall into this category are second time arounders: women and men who are divorced and reentering the dating world after long marriages. Often they’re unsure how to behave now that they’re single again. Either they’re enjoying their freedom a little too much by overindulging in the dating scene, or their newly gained independence is making them anxious because they’re used to being coupled and scared that they’re never going to meet anyone again. Whether it’s excitement that’s motivating them or a fear of loneliness, this type of dater is out partying too much and probably having way too much fun for their own good, let alone to be a successful dater. Other people who fall into this category are more commitment phobic and than sad and lonely because of a change in relationship status. But dating younger women or men when you’re pushing fifty isn’t attractive. In fact, it’s a red flag for smart, interesting women or men who are looking for a real connection, not just a one-night stand. Cut back on the drinking and partying, get an age appropriate attitude, and start acting like who you are instead of who you were twenty years ago so that you can ﬁnd love.
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